The ideas we have about sex and sexuality are full of "shoulds".
Women should not have sex with too many people or else they are sluts. Penises should never get soft. We should only be attracted to fit bodies. All sex should culminate in an orgasm. If we love someone we should always want to have sex with them.
The shoulds are often different depending on our gender, our sexual orientation, our race, our age, our size, our ability… how close we are to what is considered attractive and desirable by mainstream culture, our religious background, our social class.
Shoulds like to stifle our autonomy. Shoulds make it appear like we have limited choices when it comes to our sexual expression.
The thing is… despite being inundated with shoulds, we actually have options. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like there are options or it might not feel safe to go after what we want; but what if it was okay (dare we say celebrated!)… to really experience and enjoy our sexuality exactly the way we want to?
How would it feel to grant ourselves that permission?
We have permission to:
...love whomever we want, regardless of their gender or our gender.
...love masturbating more than sex with another person.
...get off on being submissive.
...build intimate relationships that don’t include sex.
...have many loves and lovers.
...like anal play.
...be a prude.
...be the biggest slut imaginable.
...never want penetration.
...love one night stands.
...like that one weird thing that you never tell anyone about.
...want or need more foreplay.
...love the missionary position.
...make all the noises… especially the silly ones.
...like tying people up.
...not like oral sex.
...only like oral sex.
...wait until you are married.
…enjoy role play.
...not want sex tonight.
...not want sex tonight either.
...be a pillow princess.
...love watching porn.
...get excited about spanking.
And most importantly, we have permission:
...to be curious.
...to be uncertain.
...to change our minds.
As a coach, I am here to hold space for new possibilities while you seek, get to know, and revel in your full sexual self. While we are doing that, we can dismantle some shoulds along the way.
If you want, we can get started now:
You have permission to _____ fill in your blank_____.